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Men provide protection, stability, and resources. Dont men throb? We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. That feeling lasts for several days afterwards. So not. Who sacrifices? It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. Q: My wife, late 40s, has been experiencing early menopause for a couple of years. We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. For the most part, her doctor (A woman) has told her that it was time to give it up. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. Divorce is not an option, But when the second son moves out to college there is an option I take his bedroom AND there is an option I go on an extended car road trip for a few months. I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). A woman may lose interest in sex, even in a happy marriage, if the sex does not bring her sexual pleasure. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . nuff said. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. What played in husband mind is that the wife do not care, do not want to have relationship, intimacy etc. I fail to see the point of continuing further. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. And I suffer. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. And he wonders why Im ill sometimes?? I am new to this. We both have health issues Resentment in the marriage eventually leads to conflict and arguments. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. Just told her I wasnt going to follow all her B.S rule and moved out of the bedroom. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. Where is their allegiance to you? When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. In the room. He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. For everything there is a season. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. We still talk, but thats it. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. Yet she constantly professes love. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. When was the last time you went out on a date together? After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. Got lost there. Its time to change your strategy. No way you are real!!! This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. In good times, sex it a wonderful way to give and receive love. Also from a masculine point view primordial guttural sex that is still controlled contributes to female orgasim. lol. Im Maried for 5 years and from one year until now my wife change completely like a different person she don't let me hold her hands or touch her or kiss her and sex more than 6 months that she don't have sex with me I asked her if she don't love me anymore and she say that she love me and I asked her why she's doing you know all the . Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. The distance could be herway of punishing you and teaching you a lesson. Related Reading: How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? 3. I also think they pretend to be happy. Harley, I am doing none of those things. Im in the same boat. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? She wants no part of it. Period!!! We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. Im 54 and my husband and I enjoy each others company but he does not want to engage in physical affection or intimacy. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. Needless to say, both of us are feeling a renewed awareness of who we were and now are. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. If hes not willing to seek medical help and take pills to be able to have sex, the frustration amd resentment will be so much. And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! Id rather die than lose him. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. Men are not mind readers. My other half sees it as rejection and makes angry threats. We all deserve to be held, to be touched, to be told and shown we are desired and needed for far more than cleaning a house, fixing a meal or providing a paycheck. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Sorry about no sex demise. Trying to feel sexual and struggle through it and pretend is so hard, and brings me only sadness that I have to pretend after years of being honest. Take care of your body and mind! I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? It is incumbent on each of us, male and/or female to strive for the new, the invigoration, the secure, the calm, the exciting, the passionate . I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. Thank you Jeff! I cant say all women are like this but the handful I have been with do not talk about what feels good to them or what they would like me to do and/or do differently. Having said that, it still stinks. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. When we had our kids he was so mad because the babies got attention from me and thought when home they should take back stage. Her 90-year-old mother lives with us, and I love her like my own mom. So our talking about this topic usually ends up in an argument or one of us so ticked off we could scream. Once you've looked at yourself, talk to her and pay attention to how she's feeling. I am sorry but I think thats just nuts. My spouse of 40 years has no lnterest ln sex ,he does not touch me exsept when on the couch he puts his leg over mine and hugs me before we go to bed as l have scoliosis and need to sleep ln a diff bed we go to places together and we get along he says lt is his prostate which the Dr confirmed but l feel lf he really wanted to he could he says after an o lt bothers him ,l love him,but feel he ls angry at me for stupid mistakes l made in the past not cheating but as cracked up our car ,l just want to feel loved,he bought me flowers for mothers day but l bitched as. Not you at all by the sounds of it. Get some technique. I get angry, then sad and depressed. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. His needs count too. Sigh . We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: Sex is over. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. Peter: she wouldnt interest you shes like me now old, cranky, take pills and fat. Remember its never too late to start. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. He has with held sex before, once or twice when he was mad at me a couple of times in the past 18 year, that was my punishment. Each time she claims to like having sex, but is just tired! we always believe that we are being judged . We may as well sleep in separate beds at this point. I said no. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. She is 33. I do not believe love will demand it as a duty but love also doesnt hand over the relationship to the destructive forces and temptations, The older I get the more confident I am Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. Im 15 years younger than my husband. I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. He will not talk about that either. For fucks sake man. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. Nobody tells you about this stuff in premarital counseling When a woman notices that you have an affinity for what she loves, she gets curious, thereby increasing her desire for you. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? I think the resolve here is to tell the parent who is confiding in you to seek professional help, and then bud out. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. 60s, 70s. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. I am dry (we tried lubricant) and hes small (always been, but seems more so in his 60s) and he doesnt get or stay very hard at all. 2. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. Wooing is a life-long endeavor. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. Still, feeling like your wife doesnt want sex anymore? While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. My current wife was 49 and I was 54 when we met and sex was twice a day for over a year, When she proposed to me, I raesoned that she was a good friend and sex was more then satisfactory, so I accepted. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. Im guessing because you are complaining that your 59 year old husband is fat, lazy, snores and is demanding is the reason you dont have sex anymore? Dont know what todo he wont talk about his I work part time at a day care and I find that when I havent gotten sleep the night before, my patience with the kids is really tested. A year or two is nothing. When I wanted to leave, the only family I had told me theyd not support me whatsoever and just shut up grow up and deal with it and Id better do whatever it took to keep the husband. When you choose not to accept/care/act on it year after year, our desire disappears. Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. We love each other but no sexual contact leads to a very frustrating relationship. I would like to ask her if well ever have a sex life again, but she has a hard time talking about it. Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. So around our house it is whispered, why is he mad? If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and emotional intimacy to feel connected to her partner. Food shape. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. Guess were done here . But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. Were just a hole for your pole . Sure she was sore & tired particularly in the beginning, but she didnt make it a habit to say no because she knew my hand was nothing like her body that I craved. I just dont get it. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. Tell her how much I love her. There are many reasons. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. That partner has truly not kept theur vow, but have managed to put us in a moral quandary. Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. If thats the case, try to build a successful relationship after cheating; own up to your mistakes, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and assure her that its all in the past. Been there, done that. I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. She may give in from time to time to satisfy her man, but the drive is gone. My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! I realized after marriage that I married her for the wrong reason, more of a rebound to fill something torn from me so abruptly, the love for my previous family(wife and children). Females are elevated to the superior status of the male they pair with the reverse is not true receive the protection and provisioning of that male, and enjoy the primary bond with the children. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. This is how civilizations are built. Were a distinctive, diverse collection of people aged 60 and older who are busy changing the way we age by embracing opportunities to reshape our lives, connect with and help one another, and change the world for the better all while learning, growing, and having fun! Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. .! I have kept fit and kept busy. Or you can try and find a willing partner. Honor us with attention and physical contact. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. stop insultiing cats. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. Its just torturing me for no reason. Your wife never initiates physical contact - Sex feels like a chore Is your mind saying - "my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?" Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. I never signed up to be married and not getting sex. I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. Think back to the time when you were dating. Our marriage became almost sexless in 2006 when our 17 year old son was killed in an accident. Are you crazy? Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. But when I try to go to the next level. Men you just need to treat her like you used to treat her before you married her every day and she will keep treating you like she did before you married her. yeah, in the case of some women, there may be some other things going on w/ the bodywho knows. you probably love your husband, or at least the person he once was when you were first together. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. I try to get used to it. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. We have no children. Agree Sean. Furthermore the AFIB and some remaining heart failure issues make sex not safe to engage in, even if counseling could resolve our relationship issues from the past. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. . At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. We have not slept in the same room for years because of his snoring. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? Please explain to me. Hi Theresa, I might even know you, you sound just like someone I know. 24 years younger than I.